The Brutal Truth About Professional Networking: What 10,000+ Messages Taught Me
OK guys, this is hard and painful, but you need to hear it. This is for anyone trying to learn from people ahead of them in their journey. The Numbers That Will Shock You Throughout my career, I've sent thousands of networking messages to professionals across different industries. Personalised messages. Genuine interest in learning from their experiences. Professional approach. Result? I've connected with around 600 people - though honestly, about 500 of those were just dry connections. People who clicked "accept" but never engaged beyond that. Maybe 100 led to actual conversations or ongoing relationships. That's roughly 0.01% of all the requests I've sent over the years. Let me put this in perspective: For every meaningful professional conversation I've had, I sent approximately 100 messages.
Arkadiusz
5/29/202511 min read
Why This Matters More Than You Think
If you're reading this and feeling discouraged about your own networking efforts, stop. This isn't about you being inadequate or your messages being poor quality. It's about understanding the mathematical reality of modern professional networking.
The painful truth: Those professionals each receive hundreds of similar requests weekly. Your message—no matter how thoughtful—is competing with a tsunami of others. Many will click "accept" (it's just a click) but never engage beyond that.
The liberating truth: This isn't about you. It's about mathematics.
Social media has democratised access to influential people in ways previous generations couldn't imagine. But it's also created unprecedented noise.
My Journey: From Cleaning McDonald's to Senior Tech Roles
When I arrived in England nearly 20 years ago, I had nothing. No money, no job, no established connections. My networking started in the most basic way possible - working multiple service jobs:
Cleaning McDonald's offices during daytime hours
Working evening events at museums
Cleaning pubs during early morning hours
Often working around the clock with minimal sleep
Back then, "networking" meant chatting with colleagues during brief breaks or making small talk with customers. But even in those humble beginnings, I understood something crucial: every person you meet knows something you don't.
The Early Days: Face-to-Face Foundations
When I was studying English and later attending university, most of my networking happened face-to-face. Around 2009, social media wasn't a big part of the equation. I met many people through English classes—students, aspiring entrepreneurs, even housewives who simply wanted to improve their language skills. Those one-on-one conversations helped build deep, meaningful connections and gave me confidence in my communication and interpersonal skills.
As I continued my studies, I worked in various service jobs—from retail roles at places like Marks & Spencer to driving jobs delivering cars. I met people from all walks of life, and that exposure broadened my perspective. Some people even remembered me just because of my name, which helped break the ice.
Over time, my networking approach evolved naturally through the people I met and the knowledge I gained. It became less about just knowing people and more about understanding them.
Early Breakthrough Moments
One key moment was passing the IELTS exam. That milestone made me realise I could now connect with a much wider group of people, just by communicating more confidently. Graduating and stepping into my first professional jobs was another big shift—the environment was more structured, the expectations higher, and I got my first real taste of professional development.
Moving into senior positions and mentoring others helped me see the kind of impact I could have. It wasn't just about doing the work anymore—it was about helping others grow too.
The Connection That Changed Everything
While I can't name specific people, I was fortunate to have an incredible manager early in my career who mentored me for several years. His guidance had a huge impact on how I understood people, approached problem-solving, and navigated workplace dynamics.
This relationship taught me something crucial: the best networking often happens when you're not actively "networking." It grows from genuine professional relationships where both parties invest in each other's growth.
Outside of work, I also grew tremendously by reading—books about psychology, entrepreneurship, social media, and even survival strategies. These helped me sharpen both soft and strategic skills that became crucial in my tech journey.
Reframing Rejection: The Mental Game
I learned to reframe rejection. It usually meant one of two things: either I hadn't grown enough yet and needed more experience to sustain that connection, or the other person simply didn't have the capacity for a new connection at that time.
Understanding that rejection wasn't personal was freeing. It helped me focus on growth and resilience rather than self-doubt. I began to see every "no" as a "not yet," which kept me motivated to keep learning and improving.
The Evolution of My Networking Philosophy
After thousands of attempts and countless rejections, here's what I've learned:
Early Years: Naive Optimism
Expected every thoughtful message to get a response
Took silence personally
Gave up after a few rejections
Middle Years: Understanding the Game
Realised it's a numbers game
Started tracking response rates
Developed thicker skin
Current Approach: Strategic Persistence
Send hundreds of messages, expect single-digit responses
Don't confuse connection acceptance with engagement
Personalise every single one
Never take silence personally
Consistency beats perfection
Celebrate every actual conversation
The Connections That Actually Mattered
The Connections That Actually Mattered
The Mentor Who Changed Everything
Let me tell you about Mike (not his real name). He was old enough to retire whenever he wanted—the kind of grandfather figure you might miss if you weren't paying attention. But this man fundamentally changed how I understood leadership, growth, and what it means to truly invest in another person.
What made Mike different? He was the kind of leader who wouldn't judge you, would tell you about your mistakes, help you fix them, and then give you the freedom to make new ones. He guided me in all aspects of professional growth whilst giving me complete autonomy to learn through experience.
Here's what's remarkable: Mike encouraged me to read "Maverick" by Ricardo Semler. Later, through a Secret Santa exchange, I received "How to Win Friends and Influence People." As I read Dale Carnegie's book, I had a profound realisation—Mike was exactly the person Carnegie described. He embodied every principle in that book naturally, without trying.
The ripple effect was extraordinary. Mike didn't just teach me about work; he opened my eyes to investing, entrepreneurship, and building better relationships. The funny thing is, he never pulled me by the hand or forced anything. For some reason, he just encouraged me to explore these areas more deeply, trusting that I'd find my own path.
What Made This Relationship Different
Unlike the hundreds of networking attempts that led nowhere, this relationship had several unique characteristics:
No agenda from his side - Mike genuinely wanted nothing from me except to see me grow
Long-term investment - He mentored me for several years, not just a quick conversation
Freedom to fail - He created a safe space for learning through mistakes
Indirect guidance - Rather than telling me what to do, he sparked curiosity and let me discover things myself
Authentic care - His investment was genuine, not transactional
How This Shapes My Approach Today
Mike taught me something profound about networking and mentorship: the best connections aren't about what you can get—they're about what you can give.
Today, this is who I want to be to my sons, to my work colleagues, to anyone I meet. When someone reaches out to me (and yes, I get those networking messages too), I try to channel Mike's approach. Not everyone deserves that level of investment, but when I see genuine hunger for growth, I remember how transformative the right mentor can be.
We no longer work together—Mike retired and now enjoys being a grandfather whilst travelling the world. I'll probably do the same one day. But his influence continues through every person I mentor, every piece of advice I give, and every networking connection I make with the intent to help rather than extract value.
The Unexpected Game-Changer
The most unexpected part? That Secret Santa book exchange. Sometimes the most powerful networking moments happen completely by accident. It wasn't a planned professional development session—just a random holiday gift that connected all the dots about why Mike's mentorship was so effective.
This taught me that meaningful professional relationships often develop in the margins—the casual conversations, the random book recommendations, the moments when you're not actively "networking" but simply being human with other humans.
The Psychology Behind the Silence
Understanding why successful people don't respond isn't about making excuses - it's about setting realistic expectations:
Volume Overwhelm
A successful entrepreneur or executive might receive 50-100 LinkedIn messages per week. Even if they wanted to respond thoughtfully to each one, it would consume hours daily.
Pattern Recognition
After seeing thousands of similar requests, successful people can quickly identify patterns. Your unique message might feel generic to someone who's seen variations of it dozens of times.
Opportunity Cost
Time spent mentoring strangers is time not spent on their business, family, or existing relationships. The economics don't add up for most busy professionals.
Filter Systems
Many successful people develop systematic approaches to manage communication - assistants, automated responses, or simply ignoring non-essential messages.
What Actually Works: Lessons from the 0.01%
What Actually Works: Lessons from the 0.01%
After thousands of messages and hundreds of conversations, here's the uncomfortable truth: there are no magic patterns or secret formulas.
If you're looking for the perfect LinkedIn template or the ideal time to send messages, you're missing the point entirely. The few responses I've received over the years had nothing to do with clever techniques or timing strategies.
The Only "Strategy" That Matters
You have to be:
Realistic - Understand the mathematics we've discussed
True - Be genuinely yourself, not who you think they want to hear from
Humble - Acknowledge their expertise without diminishing your own worth
Curious - Ask questions you actually want answers to, not generic interview questions
Thankful - Express genuine gratitude, even before receiving anything
Authentic - Just be you
That's it. No growth hacks. No perfect subject lines. No optimal posting times.
Why "Techniques" Don't Work
The people worth connecting with can spot inauthentic networking messages from miles away. They've seen every template, every "clever" opening line, every manufactured connection attempt.
What they rarely see? Someone being genuinely human.
When someone successful takes time to respond, it's usually because something in your message felt real. Maybe you asked a question they hadn't considered. Maybe you shared a perspective that resonated. Maybe you simply reminded them of their younger self.
But you can't manufacture that moment. You can only create the conditions for it by being authentic in your approach.
The Emotional Journey: Dealing with Constant Rejection
Let's be honest - sending hundreds of messages and getting ignored 99.99% of the time is psychologically brutal. Here's how I learned to handle it:
The Emotional Journey: Dealing with Constant Rejection
The Black Hole Weeks
Let me paint you a picture of my lowest networking moments.
You've just spent an entire evening crafting personal messages to 100+ people. Each message carefully researched, thoughtfully written, genuinely curious about their journey. You've invested hours of your time, energy, and hope into these connections.
Then comes the week of silence.
Complete, deafening silence. Not a single response. Not even a "thanks, but no thanks." Just a black, deep, stinky hole where your optimism used to be.
This is when networking becomes psychologically brutal. It's not just professional rejection—it starts to feel personal. You begin questioning everything: your approach, your worth, your right to even reach out to successful people.
The Antidote: Knowing Your Real Value
Here's what saved me from drowning in that black hole: You must know your value beyond professional networking.
When the professional world goes silent, you need other sources of validation and connection:
Family who knows your heart and character
Close friends who've seen you grow and struggle
Social connections who appreciate you for who you are, not what you can offer professionally
Personal achievements that have nothing to do with career advancement
These relationships and experiences remind you that your worth isn't determined by LinkedIn response rates or professional acceptance. They help remove the entire feeling of rejection because they ground you in reality: you're a complete human being, not just a networking profile.
The Mental Shift That Changes Everything
Over time, I learned to reframe those silent weeks. Instead of seeing them as rejection, I started viewing them as:
Market research - Learning about communication patterns in different industries
Character building - Developing resilience that serves you in all areas of life
Perspective training - Understanding the volume and complexity successful people navigate daily
The silence isn't about you. It's about capacity, timing, and the mathematical reality we've already discussed.
When you truly internalize this, networking becomes less emotionally charged and more strategically focused. You stop taking it personally and start treating it like what it actually is: a numbers game with occasionally meaningful outcomes.
The Compound Effect: How Small Connections Snowball
0.01% might sound dismal, but here's what I've learned: if I'd been more consistent over the years, that number could have been significantly higher.
Those 100 meaningful connections? They've shaped my entire career trajectory.
One genuine conversation with someone who's walked the path you're on can transform everything. I've seen it happen—both in my own journey from manual labour to senior tech roles and with the professionals I've mentored.
Modern Networking: Beyond LinkedIn Messages
Modern Networking: Beyond Cold Outreach
The Evolution from Transactional to Relational
In the beginning, networking was just about putting myself out there—cold messages, meetups, job fairs. But over time, it's become more about building real relationships than simply collecting contacts. Now, I focus on shared values, mutual respect, and long-term connection rather than quick wins.
When I reach out today, it's less about "What can you do for me?" and more about "Who are you, and what can we learn from each other?" I approach conversations with genuine curiosity. That shift—from transactional to relational—has changed everything.
Content Creation: The Unexpected Bridge
Funny enough, creating content started as something deeply personal. I share my journey mostly for myself—and for my sons. I want them to one day see where I started, what I struggled with, and how I kept going. It's like leaving a trail behind that we can look back on and celebrate.
What surprises me is how often people relate to it. When you're honest about your struggles and lessons, it draws in the right kind of people—those who connect with your values and experiences. Content creation became a bridge for meaningful connections, even though that was never the main goal.
The lesson: Authentic content attracts authentic connections. When you stop trying to impress everyone and start sharing your real journey, the right people find you.
Maintaining Relationships: Treating Connections Like Living Things
I try to treat relationships like living things—you check in, stay curious, and give more than you take. It's not about always having a reason to talk. Sometimes it's just a quick "Hey, I thought of you when I read this," or "How are things going on your end?"
I also don't force every connection to stay alive forever. Some people drift away, and that's okay. The key is to be sincere and stay open—people remember how you made them feel more than how often you messaged them.
Giving Value First: The Carnegie Principle in Action
You have to genuinely get interested in people—just like in "How to Win Friends and Influence People." And I don't just mean skimming the book—really read it, understand it.
Don't approach people with expectations. If you need help, it's okay to ask, but don't cling to the outcome. Instead, focus on learning, growing, and helping others when you can. Most of the time, the right connections happen naturally when you show up with honesty and curiosity.
The fundamental shift: When you stop networking to get something and start networking to understand someone, everything changes. People can sense the difference immediately.
The Brutal Reality vs. The Success Stories
Most networking advice comes from people sharing their wins, not their failures. But the real education is in understanding the full picture:
For every connection that led somewhere, there were 99 that didn't
For every mentor who responded, there were hundreds who didn't
For every opportunity that came through networking, there were countless dead ends
The key: Don't let the 99.99% of non-responses discourage you. They're not rejections—they're simply part of the process.
Consistency is everything. Had I been more systematic about this over the years, those 600 connections could easily have been 2,000+.
What This Means for You
If you're at the beginning of your networking journey, here's what you need to know:
Expect brutal mathematics - 1% response rates are normal, not failure
Volume is your friend - You can't send 10 messages and expect results
Quality still matters - Even though most won't respond, make each message count
Connection ≠ Engagement - Don't celebrate LinkedIn acceptances too early
Persistence pays - The connections that matter are worth the 99 rejections
The Long Game
Networking isn't a sprint; it's a 20-year marathon. The connections I made five years ago are just now paying dividends. The relationships that seem unimportant today might become crucial tomorrow.
Keep connecting. Keep learning. Keep growing.
That one response that changes everything? It's worth the persistence.
Join me on this journey. If you're ready to embrace the grind of real professional growth, let's connect and walk this path together. Read my blogs at TurboGlitch.com for more insights on navigating the journey from where you are to where you want to be.
What's been your experience with networking? Share your brutal truths in the comments below.